


i'm done pretending and fuck you if you get offended

by evamohns



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: M/M, some evak but please dont expect much!!!! like real small amount at the end, the tiniest i mean minuscule noora/jonas, this is mainly sana
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-15
Updated: 2017-04-15
Packaged: 2018-10-19 00:39:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10628544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evamohns/pseuds/evamohns
Summary: Sana smiles, it’s genuine, it feels real. She doesn’t think about backing up her answer because she doesn’t have to, it was a good night because she was with friends, she never stopped talking to someone. There was always someone there, next to her, shoulders brushing. She’d even held lengthy conversations with Magnus.





	

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this after the update literally crying, it rlly is mainly sana and the boy squad w a little bit of evak, i hope u enjoy it!!!

**21:07**

“Sana!” Isak shouts, Sana already feels like hanging up because he’s too loud to be sober and she can hear Jonas laughing in the background accompanied unsurprisingly by Magnus’ exhausting nattering.

“What?” She asks, knowing it bites. She doesn’t care anymore, she’s done with it, she’ll stay in the house and study over Easter let her friends run wild with her family. Elias and Noora are pissing her off and it’s not their fault but Sana really can’t be bothered to tailor her emotions anymore, not even for the people she loves.

“Sana, Sana,” he says, there’s a clattering of cans and a commotion and Sana can tell Isak drops the phone because suddenly she can hear Mahdi telling everyone to chill, seriously, his neighbours will get pissy and his mum has been unbelievably harsh lately. Sana smiles despite herself, leans against the cool brick of the apartment block. There are people smoking nearby and others keep emptying drinks out of the windows above, she’s confident there isn’t only one party happening upstairs.

“Where are you?” She sighs, knowing he’s probably doing this for Magnus because the boy doesn’t understand boundaries or space and seems to be incapable of trust. She worries for Vilde despite herself, worries that she’s being suffocated with the haste of it all. It doesn’t take her long to remember the elbow that was pushed into her side when her and Magnus were doing _something_ next to her when she was watching PH though, so she lets it slide for now. “Eva keeps texting me but she won’t tell us where she is. We’ve seen Chris’ Instagram.”

“Some party.” Is all Sana can offer, she doesn’t know who’s it is, she doesn’t even really know where she is. Eva had relayed the information to her on the tram, she was a little distracted though. She thought Yousef had been staring but has neglected that hope now.

“It’s not very loud?”

“I’m outside.”

“Cool,” Isak pauses, he often does this lets the conversation lull into a considered silence, Sana worries that she shouldn’t have told him anything. “We were going to drop by, Jonas’ weed guy is, like, there we think, so.”

“Are you going to stay?” Sana panics, she doesn’t know if Mikael knows anything about Isak but she can’t imagine it going well if they met here, she thinks they'd both cry. She knows that the thing they have in common wouldn't cause an argument but fears emotion like that can't be pressed into a room full of 30 people, it's not the time for it.

“No, no, no,” Isak replies, “we were gonna’ film some skate videos for Jonas.” He’s laughing now, “because he thinks it would be ‘ _mega_ ’ to get some in the dark.”

“Fucking ‘ _mega_ ’” She hears Mahdi parrot, “Who the fuck? I still don’t even know where that came from, bro.”

“Shut up.” Jonas responds, it’s light-hearted and faint and followed by the sound of polyester against polyester, like Jonas is roughhousing with someone. Sana finds out it was Isak when he speaks again out of breath, she can feel his smile through the phone.

“Can you send us your location?”

 

**21:43**

Sana ends up leaving with them because she can’t really bring herself to stay and as soon as she sees them she feels a little lighter, even she knows that’s a sign she’s too uncomfortable hanging around. None of the boys’ object, or seem to find it strange, Sana had hung back in the stairwell with Isak and Magnus when the others went into the party. She thinks maybe she got Magnus all wrong, he seems a little zoned out but he hasn’t asked about Vilde, he even looks a little sad.

Isak starts asking her about music when he hears _Fy Faen_ playing from inside. Sana tells him about Frank Ocean, who Isak knows as Tyler, The Creator’s friend. He even does the “shouts out to frank-y ocean” from the Odd Future track. His American accent is awful, Magnus squawks at it.

They start playing an A$ap Rocky song, Isak’s bopping his head and moving his arms in a way that Sana supposes is classed at dancing, it’s definitely not the best she’s seen. She can’t help herself – it’s got a good beat and she knows the lyrics (because Elias _loves_ it) and the girls aren’t here, she at least knows how to move her hands in time with the music so next to Isak she can’t look that bad. She gets caught up in it, singing to Isak, with him. She’s bouncing on her feet and Isak’s following her movement and they’re into it. She is enjoying a party, she’s with a friend and she’s fucking enjoying it for once on the side-lines. Isak is smiling and she’s smiling and when the song breaks down to the outro they’re laughing.

“Oj!” Jonas shouts, he’s making his way through the couples blocking up the entrance. Sana feels weirdly elated when she should feel self-conscious. “Sana's got a better flow than Isak.”

“Who doesn’t?” Sana quips, Mahdi loses it.

Isak does his best to look wounded but Sana knows he can never hold his fake expressions down for long, they always seem to crumble away into the constant state and joy and happiness he seems to be in recently. It reminds Sana of the start of first year when she would see Jonas, Eva and Isak walking around like the sun was hung just for them, they had looked so much like a unit. She had always craved something like that but security in friendships were difficult to maintain, even Isak knew that now.

“I’m so hungry.” Magnus groans from his place perched on the banister, he grabs at his stomach like he’s in physical pain. “Can we get a kebab?”

Sana looks at her feet, she can hardly say anything, she could just go back in.

“Nah,” Jonas protests, it comes out a little too suddenly and his eyes are a little too wide when he looks over to Isak. “I want a pizza, let’s go to Pizza Roma, their vegetarian is so fucking good, I swear, like, they put something addictive in it.”

Magnus’ face scrunches up so violently that Sana’s worried the force might actually wind him, “Bro, that’s a 20-minute tram ride away.” He grabs Mahdi’s shoulder, Sana’s not sure if it’s for physical or mental support. “You never said no to a kebab before.” Next to Sana, Isak smiles down at the cigarette butts he’s kicking annoyingly at her new shoes.

“Yeah, well,” Jonas looks pathetic, Sana can practically see his mind racing to think of something. “I was talking to Alfred and he found half a spider in his kebab last week.”

Magnus makes an intelligible noise. “You’re fucking kidding.” He jumps down from the banister and starts down the stairs like he’s being followed by said spider, “Let’s fucking go, man, I’m never eating there again. That’s wild.”

She falls into step with Jonas, who offers her a small and private smile. It feels momentous, it feels like finally being able to express something that’s personal and close to her and so often forgotten. It seems so stupid that food is one of the things that adds to her alienation, that her closest friends don’t even think about it, they’ve never even asked. Sana is so thankful to Jonas but she can’t show it because they’re really not that close (yet, she vows to change it) and there’s a distant feeling that tells her she shouldn’t have to. She shouldn’t have to thank someone for knowing the basics of her religion.

 

**00:19**

“Hey Sana?” Isak asks, he’s small again, quiet. He’s left the fridge door open and the light makes the side of his face look golden, his hair curls prettily. He’s eating a child’s yogurt with a spoon that’s definitely made for serving salad, which is disgusting, the fridge has one yellow pepper and some pesto in it. “Sana?” It’s said even softer, and carefully.

(They’d gone back to Isak’s after abandoning hope of filming Jonas, he and Isak felt sick after eating a whole pizza each. Sana and Mahdi has been sensible and shared, he picked the onions off the whole thing before eating it.

“Why didn’t you just ask for it without onions? I wouldn’t have minded.”

“That’s just extra work for everybody, it’s chill, I didn’t want to stress the guys out in there. They’re probably really tired and changing the whole order it’s just,” Mahdi sighs, like it’s a heavy topic. “I just think it’s easier to go along with stuff, right?”

That had jarred Sana, weirdly resonated, she’d just nodded and laughed and wondered if Jonas and Mahdi had had enough time at the party to smoke said weed they were picking up or if Mahdi was just always like this.)

“Isak.” She leans her elbow against the counter rests her head against her palm, ducks down to his level staring at a coffee stain on the surface, Sana can’t believe it when she sees him smile like Even’s right there next to them still drinking his coffee.

“Mikael Boukhal,” he starts and Sana doesn’t know what her expression changes into but she knows it fond, awfully. “Straight out of Elvebakken.” He does something so distinctly Isak, shakes his head to emphasise the rhythm, leans back in a way that reminds her of Noora. He sounds just like him, Sana wonders how many times Isak’s watched the video. He keeps eat his yogurt but it’s not disgusting anymore it’s just _Isak._

“Mikael.” She repeats, at a loss for words. She’d known it was him from the start but distanced herself from it, her brother had been so upset the weeks before the start of term and Sana had heard Even’s name thrown around the house between his friends, uttered like a secret that filled the silence with something on the edge of uneasiness. Mikael had cried in the kitchen once, the boys were in Elias’ room and Sana had comforted him at the kitchen table, carefully whispering how it was alright until Mutasim had come to look for him and dismissed Sana with a thankful smile.

She hadn’t thought about it much, she knew Even’s name but he had never visited their house when she was there despite Elias sometimes mentioning him over dinner.

“What’s the deal with him and Even?”

“I don’t know.” Sana replies, “You should let Even do this on his own, though, it’s important to do it that way. I think.”

“I think?” Isak’s smile is back, the dick, “Where’s that blind confidence?” He’s finished his yogurt and puts the rubbish in a plastic bag on the counter that Sana thought was groceries, she turns her nose up after realising it’s actually their bin. She isn't even shocked when he throws the spoon away as well, perhaps he’s realised it wasn’t in the slightest clean when he started using it.

“Shut up,” Sana can tell he wants to object with something like, _in my own house_ or _not under my roof_ so she holds up a finger to protest it. “Don’t start, this hardly counts as a house, there’s no rules you get to make here.”

“Well,” Isak moves to close the fridge door, she realises why he kept it open now, the kitchen light is flickering. It needs a new bulb. “You can’t go home now, it’s too late. You can have the bed, I changed the sheets this morning.”

**08:41**

“Sana!” She’s surprised by Even in the morning, he must have come back from his mother's overnight. He’s pulled up one of the rickety kitchen chairs Sana’s sure they stole from Kollektivet to the window that looks directly onto the street, he’s watering a somehow already dead plant with a pint glass, he takes a drink from the water, Sana actual wonders how they’re coping at all.

“Good morning.”  She pulls up the other chair and moves the stack of Isak’s textbooks onto the windowsill. Even looks tired, there’s still some faint lines across his cheek from where the pattern of the sofa has been pressed against it. It’s only then that Sana remembers Isak, which is ridiculous, who’s still asleep 5 metres away from them his snapback still on. “I’m sorry I stole your room.”

“That’s okay,” Even replies, without even flinching “You’re welcome any time, he’s pissing me off already.”

Sana laughs at that because she highly doubts it. When Isak’s pissing you off, he’s never really, no matter who you are. Noora had told the girls not so long ago that every time Isak shouted at her or became frustrated he got cute and apologetic in a heartbeat. Sana likes that about him, although he is more stubborn when it comes to biology answers.

“Did you have a good night?” Even asks, fiddling with the worse looking leaves of the plant, “This boy,” Even looks to where Isak’s hand is dangling off the sofa and grazing the floor, he looks in love “kept texting me saying he’d eaten too much. He thought he was going to be sick.”

“Yeah, I did.” Sana smiles, it’s genuine, it feels real. She doesn’t think about backing up her answer because she doesn’t have to, it was a good night because she was with friends, she never stopped talking to someone. There was always someone there, next to her, shoulders brushing. She’d even held lengthy conversations with Magnus.

“I’m glad,” Isak declares from the sofa, looking every bit like he slept in his clothes, just like Sana. She offers him a smile and hopes that this won’t fall apart. Isak comes over to them and gives Even a chaste kiss (Even's eyes turn into half moons) before squeezing Sana’s shoulder as he passes to make them hot drinks. She loves it here, she think she's found another home.

 

**09:32**

**Eva:** sana, where did you go??  
**Vilde:** We’re really worried. It would be nice if you let us know when you are leaving in the future. Your brother was very concerned.  
**Chris:** vilde was also very concerned with your brother  
**Chris** : like, the other definition get it??  
**Noora:** Is everything okay?  
**Eva:** HAHAHAhaa, chrisss  
**Sana:** I hung out with isak and the boys, sorry  
**Eva:** I thought I saw jonas!!!!  
**Noora** : Let me know next time, I miss him  
**Eva:** what Jonas?  
**Noora:** No isak? Who I lived with, why would I miss jonas

 

**19:30**

**Even:** me and jonas are getting coffee on Sunday, want to come??? Mahdi might drop by, Isak’s visiting his mum and magnus is shopping with vilde  
**Sana:** Sure ❤  
**Sana:** Do you think maybe Noora could come?  
**Even:** of course ❤

**Author's Note:**

> title from FEEL. by kendrick.


End file.
